Hal

My first awareness was a view of my body as a field of twinkling lights. I noticed that each nerve would flash brightly and then be seen no more.

Near Death Experience

Surprisingly, this is not related to my heart failure ... except perhaps as one of many causes leading to it.

When a lad of 12 my parents did the fashionable thing. They took me to a doctor for a sore throat. He did the fashionable thing. He recommended a tonsillectomy. During that surgery, the anesthetic (ether) got overlooked. That I did not know until much later. When I saw a movie named "Beyond and Back" I realized for the first time that my experience was more than a hallucination brought on by my medications during surgery. In an effort to recall more of the event, I began studying meditation techniques. After a while I got good enough at visualization that I felt my own imagination might begin to embellish my recall. At that point, I quit adding little remembered pieces to the written account.

My first awareness was a view of my body as a field of twinkling lights. I noticed that each nerve would flash brightly and then be seen no more. Soon, my body looked very sparsely defined. I felt at that time that I might be dying. Not much later, my hands and feet were gone altogether and my midsection was getting sparse. The feeling was very peaceful. More peaceful than I had ever known. I seemed to be shrinking to a ball shape centered near my throat. Would I lose consciousness as the ball of active nerves shrank past the boundaries of my cranial cavity? As I pondered the idea, I fell through the surface of the operating table.

"Oh no!" I thought. "If I re-materialize here, I'll be trapped in the mechanism. I have to get out of here!"

With that thought, I felt motion, a sensation of immense speed. Before me was a field of bright points of light rushing by. As each point passed by, it reddened and went out. I quickly figured the speed required to make that happen -- the speed of light. I was perceiving the matter passing by as light. I concluded that I was going so fast because the remnant of physical matter with me could not follow and the purpose of this was to finish the separation of body and spirit. Then I realized how far I must be getting from home.

"I MUST STOP OR I'LL NEVER FIND MY WAY BACK!", I thought emphatically. And stop I did.

The matter formerly perceived as light was now dark. All was darkness. Try as I would, I could neither see nor feel myself nor anything else. I took care not to lose track of which way was "back", as I was still interested in going there. Try as I would, I could perceive no response to my attempts to move. Carefully, I turned about to look back along the path I had come. There was nothing to be seen. Nor heard, felt, nor smelled. I was alone. I wondered why I wasn't afraid.

I wondered if the blackness was all there would be. I'd have to make do with my memories and imagination. Did I have enough memories to last an eternity? I'd know when they ran out, that was certain.

A brief flash of light occurred behind me as I studied my reverse course. I spun about to look for it, but all was still darkness. I returned to my musings. Strange how logical I could be. I could determine if any proposition were correct or incorrect, or that I needed more information before it could be decided. I was absorbed in thought when a faint glimmer of light came again. It was gone as quickly as it came. I strained to see. No, it wasn't there. Perhaps it was a product of wishful thinking.

I had willed to stop most forcefully, and it became so. Maybe all it took was more will to move. I tried to summon more will. Then came another brief burst of dim light. Perhaps there was something out here after all. My eyes must be adjusting to darkness. While waiting for more light to appear, I returned to my musings. Soon there was another glimmer of light and it was noticeably stronger than before. But very short-lived. I had hope. That was good, since I had lost track of which way was "back."

The dim light became brighter and more steady. It seemed very distant. I wondered how I might go in that direction. Will seemed ineffective. I tried swimming motions, but that didn't work either. The light was getting stronger. I wondered how might I get its attention ... if it had any attention to be gotten. It seemed to be moving slightly. Maybe even coming my way? I watched and waited. Closer it came. Again I wondered about attracting its attention. Did I want its attention? Yes. It was the only other thing present in the darkness.

It was coming my way and would probably pass near. I could observe it. Would it see me? I couldn't see me, so not much cause to think it would either. Nearer it came, and brighter. In its light I could dimly see myself. Closer and brighter it came. It was headed right for me. I tried to get out of its way, but nothing changed. The light grew very bright and I tried to look away. A strange light, it shone into my eyes no matter which way I looked. I turned to face the oncoming light.

Now it was so bright that I feared its intensity. I raised my arm to shield my eyes. The light passed right through my arm, more intense than ever.

"Stop!", I thought. "STOP, I'LL BE INJURED!"

And the light replied, "I will not harm you."

These were not words but thoughts which passed between us. Still closer and brighter the light came. I strained to detect its surface but could not. It was about the size of a beach ball, with no discernible surface.

I asked, "Who or What are you?"

It replied, "That's not important right now. You are not where it is expected to find anyone." I gave my name and insisted upon reciprocity as a courtesy. And was rebuffed again.

The being of light (I lack a better description.) began to lookthrough my life. It simply shone into me and scenes from my life projected around me as if I were seeing them again. A lot like looking at a hologram, but full color 3D with sound and scent. We flitted from scene to scene. Sometimes on fast-forward, sometimes pausing to note some major or minor detail. When we paused at the first deed of which I was ashamed, I started to make an excuse. To no avail. My motives were as visible as my actions. On went the movie. I must be dead, I thought. People say your life flashes before your eyes when that happens.

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Personal Near Death Experiences

One most extraordinary aspect of NDE's is that the underlying pattern seems unaffected by a person's culture or belief system, religion, race, education, or any other known variable, although the way in which the NDE is described varies according to the person's background and vocabulary. There is no evidence that the type of experience is related to whether the person is conventionally religious or not, or has lived a "good" or "bad" life according to his/her society's standards (although an NDE often strongly affects how life is lived after the experience).

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